God Hunger

We are so hungry to heal our sense of separation from God/Spirit/All That Is. We yearn for the feelings of connection and wholeness. Reconnection with God is waiting for us in our shadow side.

Many of us are realizing that we can no longer run away from the truths of what we feel. The denials have caused us much pain, constriction, and separation on all levels - emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. I invite you to connect with what has been buried inside or what has been pushed outside - as we evolve from living from our personality to living from our Divinity. I offer you these simple yet profoundly effective tools to heal the separation and disconnection within ourselves, tools that take us directly into the arms and heart of God.

These tools show us how to be with our unacceptable and disconnected feelings in a way that reconnects to God/Self in the most intimate and loving way. This work, Miriam explains "was born from my own personal suffering, from the sense that a part of me was disconnected, unknown, unacknowledged and was now pushing at me for recognition and healing. Like most of us, I separated from my true feelings at any early age. I learned to live in my head where I thought and planned so that I could be in 'control' and feel 'safe.' My feelings, as I now begin to honor them and trust them, are becoming a guidance system to uncovering the Magnificence of my True Self."

I invite you to step back and observe yourself one day - you will see the battle that goes on inside of you, as the different parts 'fight' for their place and for recognition. Observe what is actually there ready to be expressed and felt, and then you see the other part that steps in and needs to deny or keep down these feelings, thoughts, actions - the unacceptable parts of ourselves.

This drama that lives inside of us then is out pictured in our world - creating strife and battles in our relationships and our communities and in our world. What is unacceptable inside ourselves is what becomes unacceptable in others, and most of us don't even realize that this is what is happening. It is often said - Peace in our world begins with me; peace begins inside of each one of us.

Feelings have gotten such a bad rap for most of us. As young children the socialization process often requires that we deny, push aside or push down what we are really feeling. Disconnection-Separation. Our parents, teachers, family and friends are quick to tell us what is acceptable and what is not. And for acceptance and love, we give away these precious parts of ourselves, parts of our authentic self. We deny them - "Oh no, I'm OK", when we are really falling apart. "No I'm not angry", as we stomp around the house or retreat into our room and refuse to speak with anyone. "Am I feeling sad? Oh no, I'm fine."

Do any of these sound familiar? The acknowledgment of this separation from these authentic parts of ourselves, learned well at an early age, and then the reunion actually becomes a path to deep healing, integration and peace within ourselves and ultimately in our world.
Steps to Wholeness, At-One-Ment

First - to notice what is alive in you, just NOTICE. This may sound trivial and insignificant. Trust me, it is no small thing to bring true acknowledgment to what has been denied for so long. Most of us live in denial of what we are truly feeling inside. After years of rejection, separation and running away from what is, we see how difficult it is to really acknowledge to ourselves what is alive in us, to be honest about it. The wounds are very deep. I invite you to begin by simply noticing, as the child does, with curiosity and innocence. Become the observer of your interior world. Do this for a while.

Many of us have lived such disconnected lives, that as we begin to observe ourselves, we realize that we do not know or that we are not sure what we are really feeling. Or we notice that first we feel one thing, then it changes to something else. We may notice that our feelings are layered, one inside the other, or under the other and as one feeling is acknowledged, it makes space for the next one to reveal itself. This is true and good and a part of this process. You become the courageous deep sea diver.

Then I invite you to consider naming what is there. We are just naming and starting to be with the uncomfortable feelings. No need to criticize, fix or change, although this is what we usually want to do. And of course strong judgments are showing up.

Second - to ALLOW what is alive in you to actually BE, and to ACKNOWLEDGE whatever is showing up, just as it is. This can be tricky as our typical responses, noted above, would be to analyze, fix, talk ourselves out of, judge and deny what is being experienced. My typical response when I was in this place was: "This doesn't feel good. Fast, tell me what I need to do to fix it so I can feel better again."

Notice how we usually respond, needing to do something to change what exists, to numb out, or to run away rather than simply allowing what is to be.

We begin to allow these pushed away and denied parts of ourselves to be honestly seen and felt - without analyzing or telling a story about them.

The being with, acknowledging and allowing stages are not comfortable at first, as we are doing something we haven't done before-connecting with and feeling our feelings. This is the time when you give yourself what was not given to you in the past - allowing, recognition, gentleness and compassion to be with what is.

As you follow this process, remember to breathe. Breathing is vital to the healing. Breath supports and sustains life and the change you are embarking on requires lots of deep breathing. Breathing is the easy part, easy compared to the work of bringing awareness and acceptance to our shadows. Notice, I do not say love; we are not asking for this. I simply invite the allowing, the acceptance of what lives in you and what lives in me. Example - I went through an experience that brought me to be with and look at the part of me that is jealous, self centered and needy. Didn't want to go there, wasn't able to go there for a while. Then many months later, when I was ready and able to connect in, it just all came together and I received a very deep healing and transformation. It does take time and the building of ego strength to look at ourselves with honesty and compassion.

Until I acknowledge what actually is, nothing can change. It is about becoming conscious. And when I can say, yes, this lives in me….this one that is selfish….I can begin to breathe and accept. Feelings of spaciousness open up where before there was tightness and holding. One day when I notice myself acting from this place, I can say, ah, selfish….I see, I accept. It just is… okay…and I breathe.

After having done this acceptance and allowing around my selfishness I see that two paths show up: One path is to ask myself what do I really need here, this part of me - what is she about, what does she need that she never received. And I can attend to her, giving her breath, attention and acceptance. I am able to step back and breathe, and I accept - here she is, the part of me that is selfish. And I hold her….and let her be. Perhaps it just ends there.

The second path is that in the breathing, perhaps I see that I do not really need to feel/act this way in this moment. I see that I have a choice. I can make a different choice-choose a different action, behavior, words, pattern in this situation. I choose differently here and now. I see the action/feelings that could have come from the wounded part of me, the shadow. Now, I am able to make a different choice from a higher vibration of Love, for that is who I AM.

The opportunity to choose differently is a bit tricky in that it is almost as though we gently see and hold both polarities/options in our hands and then gently, and with spaciousness and acceptance make a different choice. If you make a different choice out of hardness, coercion and manipulation this is not what we are talking about here. You will feel the readiness, a sort of excitement and a little fear inside of you. It is not about forcing, but rather allowing the new to unfold. It is just there.

After doing this process for a while I invite you to shift more clearly into Allowing Without Thought--just feel. Don't analyze or try to change. Feel into your body….feel the sensations, the tightness. Feel. No stories please to make yourself feel better. We just feel, notice, allow, and watch the feelings, observing them as they are. Perhaps they feel so solid and strong and overwhelming; then you notice a shift. This is moving beyond the inner child work that many of us have done. And now we don't need to talk ourselves through this process; instead, we are feeling and allowing our true feelings to be. As you are present to your feelings in your body without a story, you will notice the physical sensations, the energy of the feelings, begin to change. Allow… Breathe… Spaciousness… Transformation without effort…Breathe…Allow

Notice that at times we switch to the role of the compassionate witness and then back to experiencing the feelings. You'll notice that you are holding your breath. Breathe - breath brings healing and anchors the new patterns into your life.

In the past we learned to deny our needs, to deny what we were feeling. As we continue to deny, and this denial can also take the form of the stories and rationalizations we tell ourselves in order to feel better (ex-oh, he was just having a bad day and didn't really mean to be so mean to me), we continue to reinforce the blockage around the true feeling so that it remains stuck. We can deny our true feelings all we want, but they are still there.

It is actually in the denial process that something is pushed into more solid form and has to come back again and again, until it is allowed to simply be, in its truth. The freedom 'to be' gives everything the opportunity to then shift, to be released and transform into something else. Denial and/or continuing to talk about it, when talking is no longer needed, actually keeps it solid and blocked in. Again a key component is to simply be with what is, with deep compassion and allowing.

The Third part seems to evolve effortlessly from the true allowing. It is ACCEPTANCE. What effortlessly comes forth is actually UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE - of what lives in us, of what we are feeling/experiencing, without judging it, having to fix it, or having to change it.

This is between you and you, no one else - so notice if you also have feelings of anger, terror, abandonment.... We have been so judgmental about what we feel and want, often coupled with the thought that we have to be 'perfect'. And all this gets mixed in with feelings of guilt, helplessness and shame.

In our healing process of allowing - we see that we have created space and in this space all parts of ourselves are showing up in order to come back home, into our own Divine Heart. Unconditional Love are words that are usually unattainable by me and probably most of us in our daily life. Unconditional acceptance is more alive in me as a result of this work. However, the Grace is that in doing this work, the veils are lifted and our true essence, Unconditional Love, is effortlessly revealed; welcome Home.

Here is an example of the healing power of this work:
A student was 20 minutes late for a class I was teaching. I started to feel annoyed. She hadn't called…should I worry…this was rude. Then I started to say to myself: "Well probably something came up…don't get annoyed…it isn't worth it". Notice how I start to talk myself out of how I am really feeling. I could feel myself closing my heart and my energies to her. Then I stopped the mind chatter and just allowed myself to feel the constrictions and whirling in my body, to feel the annoyance in whatever way it was energetically moving in my body, without having to change it. As I came to the place of truly honoring and acknowledging the feelings that were alive in me, without resistance and without thoughts to change them or myself, the miracle was created. I actually observed (I truly embodied being the witness) the feelings get less and less and truly dissolve so that when she walked through the door a few minutes later - I could be totally present to her with an open heart. I had simply allowed myself to feel without qualification. Yes, I was annoyed, angry. And in the feeling was the releasing. I didn't even have to say anything to her. My heart was unblocked - totally clear, open and present!

We finally acknowledge what has been inside of us. We are coming to peace with what has been long buried and disowned, distanced from our Hearts.

Through Grace, this work brings me to the place of falling in love with myself, truly laughing with and loving those parts of myself that I have finally acknowledged as being IN me….no longer outside, buried in shame and disowned, distanced from my Heart.

No one can do it for you. Only you can acknowledge, accept and bring yourself into Loving Wholeness/Holiness. The alchemy is that in making this connection with the denied parts of ourselves, by gently acknowledging and then allowing these feelings to be, we open our hearts more and more to 'all' of us, and ultimately we see how the 'other' is so much like ourselves and just as acceptable. Peace reigns at last in our world.

As we accept ourselves more and more, we instantaneously attract others into our lives that embody and mirror this acceptance. Life becomes joyous, fulfilling and exciting.

I share this with you as one who has walked the way of deep disconnect from my feelings and from parts of myself that I thought were not acceptable. I share these tools because I have found them to be a gentle, compassionate and an ultimately joyous way to wholeness.

For me God is everywhere, and in everything. God is you and me. Our emotions and the aspects of ourselves that we have disowned are Holy and God also. It is in this reconnecting to the lost parts of ourselves that God is brought into Holy Wholeness. You already have the keys to the kingdom, are you ready to use them and enter within?

Peace has found its way into our world.
At last God is present in her/his true
Holiness/Wholeness.

Offered through Miriam Hedy Klements

I wish to honor Judith Duerk, Holly Knill and my family and friends from the Jewish-German Compassionate Listening Project for their support and guidance in entering this sacred and fruitful realm of emotions and self acceptance.